please, all i want is...

this is all i can listen to.

Said sit down with me before you go
That's the wrong thing I know
But I don't know when I will see you again
and it gets so lonely..

See you'd be foolish if you stayed here now
Maybe if you leave we could work it out
Cos i know the city only breaks you down
and it gets you lonely

see its gonna get lonely

so you miss the feeling when you step outside
yeah your mind comes all untied
and then you open up your eyes
and you don't feel lonely

see it feels bad now but its gonna get better someday
see it feels bad now but its gonna get better someday

yeah someday

see it feels bad now but its gonna get better someday




what do you want?

i don't want to be around right now.
i dont want any form of technology around me.
i literally left my phone at home, locked in bedside table today.
i want to be silent.
i want to stop.
i want someone to understand.

the word please just isnt enough

I Have This Weird Problem

i fall for people i hardly know.
yeah, its messed up.
i have absolutely no idea why i do this but its a regular occurrence
yet, i can never ever ever get the nerve to actually talk to them
electronically or otherwise.
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO DO?

oh well,
this post wont be very interesting... its 10:01pm and i want to sleep
but i just happened to check the comments on my first post
and Irene mentioned that I now have no excuses to not update
and she's right
(except my three lit projects, precalc project and tests, chem labs,
ap us project.. etc etc...)
but im TRYING NOT TO COMPLAIN AS MUCH.. imagine that.
:)
anyways, i AM in fact done with standardized tests AND ap tests...
as you might notice in the sidebar.
AND the other new addition is that one of my wish to reality's will in fact
become reality on august 2nd when i go to the national concert with my sisterrrr :)

well.. thats all for now i spose.
sorry this isnt interesting
NINE MORE DAYS.

OH also, i have to write two pieces for my lit class so we can begin to use voice
and one is a poem that is supposed to start with
"by seventeen i wanted to be..."
and im not sure exactly how i want to word what i want to say
basically, i wanted to be comfortable with life and myself
how do i word that the right way though?

now for the three constants

listening

irene's version of...
gotta have you by the weepies
and
for emma by bon iver

loving

well.. no i'm not going to say that... its stupid
but also
this video.

speaking
The repetition of every day life kills. It ruins the flow of my creative juices. No joke. On days that I sleep in, I go to bed feeling exhausted, and yet, I never sleep on the weekends, when I should want rest. I don’t. It would be a waste of freedom. Why spend time on parole in seclusion, you know? I’m only tired on weekdays - only when I know I have to drag myself out of my fucking room to take a shower and go to school, and then to work. Maybe I’m not tired. Maybe it’s just a natural defense against running myself into the ground with routine. I feel pale, and sick, and run down… For no reason. I eat right. I see the light of day. I breathe fresh air all the time. I love the outdoors. Shit. I love my life. But between Monday and Thursday I feel so transient… My head isn’t in the clouds - My feet aren’t on the ground. Where am I? I don’t know, but frankly, it sucks.
-Alex Gaskarth

sorry these first two quotes are a little depressing... i normally favor uplifting ones.
ha

p.s.
formspring it pleasee :)

Let's Begin

this will be the short, snappy intro some love
others hate
and all i have the time and energy for.

i'm that crazy kid who has the habit of running myself into the ground.
because of this, i'm also a list maker.
naturally they never get looked at after being produced but they somehow
manage to keep me sane.
to view some current lists, look to your right.

its difficult for me to come up with interesting information about myself
because i've never had that one passion.
i've never been a performer, a writer, an unknown talent.
this annoys me daily, yet i slowly learn to look at it as a blessing.
i do however, have a deep, rather new, desire to collect beautiful fabrics
(from my favorite shop)
and sew them into beautiful gifts and pieces on my beautiful vintage machine.
so there my friends, goes the focus of my summer.

i've never been patient
i love movie commentaries
baths
running
siblings
modcloth
the north market
quotes ->


i apologize in advance for my spontaneous posts for the next few months.
i'll spend more time in this world in the summer.

the three constants to my posts


listening (currently playing)

something good can work by two door cinema club


loving (why my day gets an a+)

i'm going to check my front porch for the new kate nash album :)

speaking ( a quote to speak about life)

My nerves have been shaking twenty-four seven and I've stopped trying to calm them.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, seems right anymore. Each day gets more dreadful and
each day I wish I wasn't here just a little more than the day before. I've been back in a
corner for days and no one will pull me out. Being alone really does feel as awful as it
sounds. Between the arguments and the tears, I can't hear my own thoughts anymore.
I have no clue of what I want, what I need, what I should have. I miss being able to count on you.